All Chinese parents always give many advice and quotes to their children, my father too. Before i don’t give attention to their advice, just like old-man talk. In my kid eye my father is a very cruel and never fair to their children, to me. Yes i’m a Boy, he scold me with physical always, i’m a middle child and first Boy, so he tell me must be strong, give in to women or younger, respect to older and can be responsibilities to replace him when he not around. I don’t care, i am kids just want love, hug and enough attention, not yet responsibilities, discriminate and blow. I have ran away from home many times, i really bad boy and coward who not thinking what the feeling of my parents. That time, I really “Hate” them not to understand me. Honestly i said, I’m wronged to them.
And time flow too fast, He pass away when i’m teenagers, first grade in Senior High School. After that many things happened and little by little revealing the truth about him after listen the story his life from his friends, my mother, and my grandmother. I think i don’t hate him again, and proud what he already done to society, family and how he make me like this today. He don’t give any inheritance material, but he teach me how to survive this life with my own power.
Once more, i’m still wrong, my hated not despair just diminish and change the subject to my mother. Until i learn to look inside, what’s wrong?? why?? why?? why?? the question always i ask in myself. In simple things, nothing wrong with them, my mother is just like her self, my sister and brother too it self. The problem is my point of views see them with my “Ego” want they be like this and that. I can’t accepted them as they are. So i try to change the paradigms, the one who must adapt is me, cause that’s the only possible i can do, change and control my own self attitude and mind.
No one warning me, lead me, guide me, ask me, and mentoring me after my father pass away. Everyone before close and praise, now just slander my family, that’s a dark time for my family especially my mother. I try do the best alone, find my own way to help any beings as much as i can actualize (i don’t know i have a free spirited). And again i realize i’m wrong, not even close what He means. How i can try help everyone – all beings if can’t help my closed people have a better life. So i decide to retired be an activist and move on to others stage, the priority to “my family”. That’s not mean i’m stop help others, but my focus right now is “clearly”, yeah.. i can’t pleasant everyone, at least i can to not hate and troublesome anyone.
One of most often advice He tell me when i’m child:
“Never take what does not become your rights. And earnestly fighting for what is your Tasks and Responsibilities. Always be patient first in any condition, whatever problem you face you are Strong enough to face it Peacefully.” –张德江-
Remember the meaning of your name: (given by my father):
- Michael in characteristics meaning that have a good taste, cheerful, independent, critical of self and others, vigorous and adaptable. (in bible it’s a name of an Archangel)
- 张闻明 = zhang wen ming; “zhang” is our family name, and “wen ming” mean = civilization or culture (yang beradab).
by: Michael (Kuroi Senko 黒い閃光)